Is Saying “No” Being Selfish?

Yes, and I hope so!  But, before I go any further, let’s change it from “selfish” to “selful”. 
The word “selfish” has such a strong, negative connotation to it.  It makes us feel like we are doing wrong by others, that we aren’t being supportive, and overall, that we should be doing more to be a “good human”.  But I’m here to say otherwise.  Saying “no”, and putting in a boundary, is not a negative thing – it is a good thing! 

Saying “no” and putting in boundaries for ourselves is one of the healthiest things that we can do for ourselves.  Why?  Because we are having awareness that our plates are full, we are aware that we are running on empty, we are aware that we need a timeout – to refill our own cup before we can possibly support someone else.  Having this kind of self-awareness, and taking time for ourselves, is amazing and something that should be celebrated, not something that should be considered “selfish”. 

To be selful means that we are being kind to ourselves, that we are concerned with bettering ourselves, and that we have the motivation to do it.  Now how much better does that sound?  Kindness, self-improvement and motivation – surely everyone can get around that! 

So, let’s say “no” and be selful.  Let’s put on our own oxygen mask before helping others, fill our own cups, and stick to our boundaries that are going to support keeping us safe, happy and healthy.  Let’s start setting good examples for our friends, families, colleagues and show them that saying “no” is good for us – it is healthy! 

And, I challenge you to change your thinking and to change your dialogue with those around you.  Start using words that will positively impact your health and well-being, take away those negative connotations and acknowledge that what you are doing, putting in a boundary, is the kindest thing that you can do for yourself in that moment – and having the ability to do that, is something that you should feel proud of! 

Keep putting you first, 

Lauren